The 10 Best Paid Celebrities of 2009

By Daniel R Deakin

There are 3 types of celebrities. There are the talented kind of celebrities: writers, directors, musicians, thespians. Then there are the untalented kind of celebrities: reality TV "stars", famous by having famous family members and sex tape creators. Then there is the "so rich we could buy the Grand Canyon, fill it with Cristal champagne and windsurf in it at the weekend" type of celebrity. Here are 10 of the last type of celebrity.

10. Simon Cowell
2009 Pay: $75 million, enough money to pay for 75,000 cashmere v-neck sweaters.

Simon Cowell is the office boy that got lucky. Working for EMI since the Bronze Age, Cowell managed to work his way up to the heady heights of managing Sinitta. However, the cynical Brit had a great masterplan, he realised how stupid people get at Christmas and how "novelty" records by unlikely popstars could make an incredible amount of money. Although the artists and songs that were released under his Sauron-like eye could never be accused of being actually any good, they sold in truckloads.

Teletubbies, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and WWF (the bear-like men not the man-like bears) all released successful novelty hits under the auspices of the ever more powerful Cowell. Soon, he would add The X-Factor, American Idol, America's Got Talent and American Inventor to his impressive repertoire, breaking the metaphorical dams with floods of cash. We just have to hope Cowell never meets Bruckheimer for lunch. These men clearly do not care about good taste and will churn out any old cheese to make a lot of money. Transformers Idol may soon be a reality.

9. Dr Phil McGraw
2009 Pay: $80 million, enough to pay for worldwide advertising so people actually know who he is.

Dr Phil got his money by kidnapping Oprah Winfrey and not letting her go for 3 months, by which time he had brain-washed her about his weight-loss products. Being endorsed by Oprah is a sure-fire way to make your bank manager actually smile when you call. Oddly enough, McGraw is most famous outside of the USA for being the bald guy who saws off the wrong foot in the beginning of Scary Movie 4.

8. Jerry Seinfeld
2009 Pay: $85 million, enough to pay for the renovation of the Hilton New York.

How? Since Seinfeld finished in 1998, Jerry Seinfeld has still managed to sit on a huge mountain of money every year, getting paid more than Bruce Springsteen, Harrison Ford, Coldplay and even Miley Cyrus! How does he do it? One belief is that Seinfeld has studied the ancient mystic lore of alchemy and has managed to alter his body and digestive functions in such a way that he can actually consume any base metal and within a couple of hours (depending on regularity) he can convert it into solid gold. Either that or Seinfeld (the show) is still so incredibly popular after 12 years that syndication and DVD sales contribute to his magnificent wealth.

7. Beyonce Knowles
2009 Pay: $87 million, enough to buy 17 18-carat flawless diamond rings, with change for a few Bentley Mulsannes.

She is talented, beautiful and everyone wants to be her or near her. But enough about Miss Piggy. Beyonce Knowles has the world at her feet, and has no problem with digging her stiletto heels into the Rockies. If Beyonce was a planet, she would be Saturn, because at least that has a ring on it.

6. Jerry Bruckheimer
2009 Pay: $100 million, enough to buy the 2,000 acre Ronde Island, the largest private island in the Caribbean. and then blow it up.

The master of the subtle. The finest producer of his generation. The creator of beautifully-crafted stories. Jerry Bruckheimer has not been called any of these, but what does he care? He is still bathing in the profits from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Bruckheimer is loud, brash and obnoxious; he blows things up, makes noisy films and even supported George W Bush during that period of American history that future historians will call "the Crazy Age". But he hit on that Holy Grail of film-making and just took advantage of this knowledge; sometimes people do want to go and see a stupid movie and just switch their brains off. That's why Nicolas Cage still keeps getting acting work.

5. Tiger Woods
2009 Pay: $110 million, enough to pay for 11,000 high class "escorts" to keep those PGA tour nights from getting lonely.

Tiger hasn't had a good year in 2009. Apparently, Tiger got confused when his wife told him it was fine if he "played away". She thought he meant a few rounds of golf in Scotland or Spain, not putting exercises with a collection of mistresses. Still, with all that swinging experience and deft handling of avoiding the bunker it is no surprise he managed so many holes in one.

4. Madonna
2009 Pay: $110 million, enough to pay for 11,000 breast enhancement procedures.

Even at the age of 51 Madonna is keeping the huge doors of her bank vault open by churning out more worldwide hits that keep her in hair rollers. In fact, Madonna has sold in excess of 200 million albums worldwide. How does she do it? A catchy hook, easy to remember lyrics, a thumping baseline and by promising to stop wearing the pink leotard she insisted in wearing for Hung Up.

3. Steven Spielberg
2009 pay: $150 million, more than his film Munich grossed worldwide.

Unsurprisingly, in a list that features money and George Lucas, you are also going to find Steven Spielberg. Proving he still has the golden touch, Spielberg will be directing a film about popular comic book character Tintin, possibly the most realistic sci-fi film ever in Interstellar and Debbie Does Dallas 2 (one of them may be just hearsay. a realistic sci-fi film? Come on!).

2. George Lucas
2009 pay: $170 million, enough to buy 2 Boeing 757s, to put all the "Phantom Menace" hate mail in and fly it far away.

George is no stranger to big pay days. Indiana Jones and Star Wars are gold mines for him, but he is clearly doing it out of boredom nowadays (see the last 3 Star Wars films and last Indiana Jones adventure. actually, don't see them, they're terrible). Lucas is actually worth around $3 billion, more than Oprah, but was quiet in 2009 so didn't get the same bumper pay packet as the ubiquitous chat show host. He was too busy chasing midgets dressed as Ewoks on his fully functioning speeder bike around Skywalker Ranch.

Rumours are Lucas is working on a musical. Yoda and Chewbacca singing a ballad with Jar Jar Binks on harmonies. The Oscars will be flooding in.

1. Oprah Winfrey
2009 pay: $275 million, more than the GDP of Tonga, population 104,000.

Oprah is apparently worth in the region of $2 billion and is that rare kind of billionaire, people actually like her. Her influence seems limitless and her rollercoaster weight changes will one day become the stuff of legend. Unfortunately, Oprah is so rich, there is only one thing worthwhile for her to invest in, herself! Which means she just keeps getting richer and richer and richer. It is only a matter of time before President Oprah will be a reality. Or maybe she is looking for a more powerful role, such as head of the Walt Disney Company?

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This article was written by Know Your Money, a leading website for comparing top savings accounts and current accounts.